You don’t have to wait for him

The chaplain at the cancer center knocked on my treatment room door. “Can you come see the patient on the second floor? She’s not eaten or taken water  for three weeks and is on no life support, yet she’s still here. Her family is distraught that she’s not passed away yet. Maybe you can help.”

This was highly unusual. Most terminal patients who are taken off of life support pass away in a week or so at most, but she persisted. When I arrived she did not seem in any discomfort. She was gaunt, with her mouth open as with many people at the end of life. She was breathing comfortably with eyes closed and did not seem connected to her surroundings.

As I worked with her sharing the holds that I used for end of life care, I learned more of the family story. Her husband had forbid their son to come see his mother before her death. He was currently in prison for offenses related to his substance addiction and he had certainly stolen plenty from his family. Before she became nonverbal, she had asked to see her son, but her husband refused. “After all he did to destroy our family, I’ll not give him the pleasure of seeing his mother.” Her husband was bitter and angry.

It was clear to me that she was hanging on waiting to see her son before she went. Knowing that we are all connected no matter where we are, I leaned close and whispered in her ear. “You don’t need to wait for your son to come. You can slip out of this body and let your spirit pay him a visit in prison. You can say your goodbyes there before you go.” Her eyelids flickered and she let out a deep sigh.

That was my only visit. I found out from the chaplin that she passed away peacefully two days later.