Which Finger Do I Hold?

I’d been volunteering for a while with Hospice when I was asked to be a presenter for one of  weekly bereavement group for children from age 6 through high school who’d experienced a family death. The gathering consisted of about 10 kids with only two of the in the older category. The two of them were definitely not happy to be there with the little kids. They sat off to the side barely participating as the group began.

I decided to keep it simple since Jin Shin Jyutsu was definitely something none of them would have heard of before. I called my gathering “Riding the Wave” and the discussion and coloring project was around the changing emotions they were feeling as they grieved.  I started by asking them all to close their eyes if they were comfortable and just hold a finger, any finger. After a few minutes I asked the group to raise their hand if they held a particular finger and I tallied it up on the board.

The thumbs (Worry) and ring fingers (Sadness) were the obvious winners with no surprise. I then went on to talk about the hard emotions that may be feeling and how holding a finger can help them Ride the Wave of the emotion until in gently reached shore rather than get pounded onto the sand. I showed them how they could use these finger holds at school when they felt overwhelmed by learning that the fingers helped get rid of Worry (Thumb) F-A-S-T (Fear – Index, Anger – Middle, Sadness – Ring, and Trying To Hard – Pinkie). Generally the kids thought that was pretty cool, except the teens who had separated themselves from the group and appeared bored.  

Snacks and art came next. I gave each child a coloring page of a hand Mandala with the emotions written for each finger. I encouraged the kids to draw a face that showed how the looked when they felt each emotion but kept it very loose and breezy. We colored, visited, and laughed as they learned.

As the younger kids finished up their coloring, I found myself sitting with the older two, a boy and a girl, both in their late high school years. The young man was big and strong with broad shoulders and a serious gaze. He turned to me and spoke for the first time that night. Quietly but with strength behind the words he said, “What finger do I hold for rage?” I felt myself get pushed back by the wave of anger. I felt the girl lean in, though trying to appear disinterested.

I knew a little of this young man’s story. His mother was his only caregiver and she had recently died.  His father was out of the picture so an aunt had agreed to take him. She didn’t live near his original home and so he had been forced to move and change schools. Not only had he lost his mother, he lost  all of his friends and the stability of a familiar life.  He was angry in a way that was beyond the middle finger. He had what I describe as anger of the heart. His heart was broken as the world he had known had completely crumbled away.  “Hold your littlest finger “,  I said. “It’s for a different kind of anger.  The anger that comes from deep in the heart.” 

I watched this young man who physically towered over me gently take his finger.  He dropped his head and looked down. I could not tell how he felt, but I was completely moved by his action. I felt the girl soften as well and she also took her smallest finger.

I never learned what came of either of the teens. I can’t say if Jin Shin Jyutsu make a profound shift in their lives. I do know that being there together helped him name his feelings. That’s a perfect start.

Are you looking for relief for your overwhelming emotions? Come take a Jin Shin Jyutsu Self-Help class with me September 12th. More information and registration here.